First of all, even though I am a self-admitted directionally challenged person and am useless when it comes to reading or deciphering maps, I did manage to take the right bus to and from work the first day! I did a mini 'hallelujah' dance in my mind that morning - at least I got off to a good start! I have not ventured off those two bus routes, and probably won't, but at least I can proudly say that I know enough to get myself to point A and point B (and that's saying a lot if you've ever traveled or driven with me...!)
Laura mentioned feeling guilty. That seems to be a common sentiment among us. I have struggled with feeling guilty too - how could I not? I got a job, got to move out and get an apartment, everything we'd both been wanting and striving for since we graduated. It's hard dealing with conflicting emotions; how do I feel happy for myself, while guilty for having it all happen? Laura wasn't being given this opportunity - why did I deserve it over her? This is a very real and honest emotion that I know we both grapple with. I'm not sure either of us will ever be able to rid ourselves of that dichotomous feeling, but learning to deal with and live with it is a necessary step. In time I'll realize why this was 'my' time, but at this point, it's hard not to ask, 'why me'?
I've also learned that I need to keep myself busy. I didn't really know what it was going to be like living alone or how I'd spend my time, as I'd always had Laura to do things with. Being alone for the first time was a big shock. The first few days coming home from work, I didn't know what to do. This must sound weird, but it was just a strange realization that I had no built-in person to talk to. Watching favourite TV shows and reading (Harry Potter - coming along nicely!) have become my main go-to past-times. But it's just not the same as having the confidante right there with me. I know it's going to take some time to adjust to this new reality, but for now it's still sinking in and I'm still figuring out this whole living alone and apart thing. I have my moments, but that's expected. (SIDE NOTE: Tim's couldn't have had a better time for their $1 cafe mocha special - these delicious warm drinks have become my new secret best friend when I need a little pick-me-up!) All in all, it's been and continues to be a challenge, but we have to both look at it as an adventure that was bound to happen.
I know there's so much information out there about twins and people are so fascinated by 'twin relationships', but I think there's a bit of a gap in hearing about stories of challenges twins face. Although every relationship is different, there must be a some sort of commonality among experiences of 'the separation' phase. Who knows, maybe there isn't. In any case, hopefully reading about our experience doesn't sound to sappy but gives you a unique glimpse into the emotional and personal dimensions of 'our' twin bond.
Anyways, enough said....I don't want this to get boring and all sentimental. I hope our stories haven't made it out to be a horrible experience, or one we are struggling to deal with. We're getting by just fine! Of course we'd rather be together, but that'll come. We don't know how long this whole living apart thing will last (fingers crossed Laura will get a job in Ottawa soon - I'm putting in a good word!) but either way, whether it's two weeks or two months, it's an ongoing learning experience. We've been all about adventure this past year with our 'Drive to 25', so how fitting for a job opportunity to come along at this time. Everything happens for a reason right...let's make it count!
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